I hope one day I can say I’ve healed from the things that quietly broke me that the past no longer aches within me, and that the pain I carried never became the making of who I am. I hope I become someone who can look back without falling apart, and move forward without the weight of old wounds following me everywhere.

in the words of Jack Twist— “ I wish I knew how to quit you. “

nakakahiya ako

I wish you understood my pain of never believing my words in the first place. I cannot call you "nanay" anymore. I cannot call you "dad" anymore. I have to take care of myself on my own and tend to the wounds you've caused to me and my siblings. There is no space for forgiving you. It would only hurt me more. But there is room for forgiving me.

i am my mother's daughter and for that i can never forgive her

sometimes i wish i was a boy so she would look at me like she does at stupid boys

I hated to feel lonely ,i know that i have my family and friends around of me but it's with u that i can remove this feeling

I just wanted to know what it felt like to be apart of a loving family

My brother & I were close growing up & were the only other person that understood what struggles we faced at home & could vent to. As an adult I’ve been healing & cutting ties with abusive family & making boundaries. This journey has been extremely hard, but it’s been harder losing the connection with my trauma partner along the way. He has done some hurtful things toward me & it’s sad to not feel the bond in understanding we once had. I wish he could open his eyes to how bad things were/are & do the work, but I also know how heart breaking it can be & don’t wish that pain on him. I know it’s easier to stay blinded. I just hate we feel more like strangers now.

I wish I said sorry to my mum, she sat by my bedside after every attempt I had, listening to my heart moniter flatline on 3 separate occasions, she stayed through it all and I never said sorry for putting her through that

days like these make me wish the earth would open up and swallow me whole

I just want to feel loved. I want to be held and protected like I never was as a child. I need to be loved.

I hate that I still love you after what you did to me. It hurts to be the one stuck with the memories.

I just want to give up and be gone. It’s so hard to live, honestly.

to my sebhastian, i love you always

My family doesn’t know I tried to take my life 3 times in a week. I’m so glad I was given another chance at life. I’ve been the happiest I have ever been in life.

Hi Geloy, I wanted to politely ask if you would like to share this. I find your project so incredibly enriching, my best friend showed it to me in 2021. She cut off contact with me a few months ago and my love is not diminishing. I have processed the loss but still miss her every single day. Losing her was the precipice into the deepest depression I have ever experienced. I had these weird realistic dreams where we talked and felt safe together again. I know she is struggling as well and I hope every day that she is doing better and still lives free like a bird. And I hope someday she will fly back. Until then, I want her to know: I still love you and I will always try to remain your loyal friend despite the pain you caused me.

i hate that i never get to choose someone i truly love because im stuck in a cycle

i’m scared my friends won’t like me anymore. i haven’t seen them for over a year now, i have changed i’m so scared they aren’t going to like that change

Thank you for everything, Pa.

i lost myself when i was sexually assaulted at 16. now i’m 20 and i don’t know how to get over it.

i wanted you to tell me—and actually mean it—that you got us. that when i was breaking up with you and telling you how drained i was, you’d have said you can carry us out of it while i pick myself up.

I wish I had fully healed from the wounds that were never entirely my fault. I hope I never become the kind of girl who keeps looking back at the past just to reopen old pain. I want to someday say that I’ve finally healed, truly moved on, and that the things that once hurt me no longer have the power to affect who I am.

I loved you for 5 years and now I wish I never did.

carpe diem, i miss you.

It’s so hard to fixed and regain what lost something in myself after u left

Sometimes the wounds you carry aren’t from those who hurt you—they’re from the things you allowed to happen.

I’m tired of not saying how I feel so I don’t feel like a burden

I want to make myself fall in love again, but I can't see myself begging and hurting.

in the soft truth beneath it all, u are my achilles' heel. i miss you, nac.

I’m really trying my best to survive my mental health struggles all these years, and it is kinda sad to be hit with reality that the people who knew did not care much. Instead of being asked how I am, the most hurtful thing that was said to me was that most of it was my fault.

Eu gostaria de ter 10 vidas e em cada uma delas exercer uma profissão diferente.

Last year when I was in a depression, I was thinking of ending my own life, you know why I didn't do it, bcuz am not brave enough to do it. And I will never do it, bcuz now I started loving myself thanks to you

i constantly starve myself, and for what?

I know you don't love me and that you'll never love me but I don't want you to leave my life even though it hurts me, I love you

I wish i didnt feel guilty for everything i did. good or bad.

unfortunately, i'll always feel guilty for choosing myself

It feels like I’ve been begging for the bare minimum in every relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m starting to worry I’m always going to be more in love with them than they are with me.

I think alot of people dewell on the past and I personally am one of those people . I believe i dwell because i wish i could change certain things mostly the things that made me feel sad or upset . I wish i could go back in time and tell my parents that they weren’t doing there job right but i was too afraid of what might have happened i was too afraid of the life i wouldve had if i had said something but now i speak up for myself and try to express the way i feel in every bit so that people who cause me to feel how my parents made me feel can change the way they treat me . Ive learned that i also project my feelings on to people because i dont know how to control my feelings this is something i feel like most people struggle with and i hope everyone who does finds a way to express and love themselves to the fullest!

im 15 and i’ve suffered so much already that i cant even describe it at all. my father abandoned me when i was 3, he has always said that i dont deserve anything good from him. my family doesn’t have a very pleasant money situation and feel like i have to work even being so young. i’ve been bullied since i was 9 for being ugly and weird but i can’t grow out of it

i never thought that i would make it this far. i'm twenty five and i feel like i've accomplished absolutely nothing, except for letting people down. i don't want people to have expectations of me. i'm also scared of when everyone will start to advance in their careers and romantic relationships; i feel like i'm going to be left behind, especially since friendship is perceived as a lower priority than relationships and family. i worry that the loneliness is going to get worse. i cannot help but feel like i'm going to end up living alone, and it pains me to think that it's going to hurt so, so, so much more than this.

Can’t do this life anymore.

i’m so tired of telling people how to love me better

Bakit kapag sila okay lang? Kapag ako parang bibitawan na lahat para maging okay lang kayo.

When I was a kid 2 boys played a prank on me of who I would start liking and dating first, I fell for it. Right now, anytime someone starts liking me, I think it’s all just a funny joke played on me. When the feelings get deeper, I start pushing guys away, because I don’t want to be hurt the same way I was before. I hurt one too many because of that

I wish that I have taken care of myself better.

I think i never healed my abandonment issues. Maybe I keep silence about but everytime someone enter the wall I build i always leave first. I don't think i can love anyone because of this trauma i never ask for.

Hi, just got back from work and i saw this. im so so tired guys, reading here lessen it somehow :) i love u all ♡

masaya at maswerte akong kayo ang magulang ko ngayon. pero sa susunod, hindi ko hihilingin na sana kayo pa rin ito.

Dear stranger, I hope life becomes softer on the parts of you that nobody knows are hurting. 💗🩹

Miss na miss na kita Ma. Lalo pa malapit na ang 1st Death Anniversary mo. Sana mabuti din ang sitwasyon niyo ngayong magkasama na kayo ni Papa. Pangako po na titibayan ko para sa mga kapatid ko, sa pamilya ko lalo na sa apo niyo na si Arendelle. Mahal na mahal ko kayo…

Impulsivity is something I struggle with immensely. It’s hard to accept that people fell victim to my behavior. I’m sorry.

I was worth a better goodbye.

i always surround myself with happy people so they don't notice how sad i am

I hate living knowing you didn’t get this chance too, I love you, I miss you.

I'm sorry, I know I have no reason to feel these way but I can't help but to overthink about his past relationship. I WAS there when it happened, I WAS there when it ended. I know what he truly feels about her during that moment and I keep having these bad thoughts about it. LIKE, I HAVE ALL THESE STUPID QUESTIONS INSIDE MY HEAD, THAT I KNOW ISN'T REAL.

here’s what i’m thinking, i respect what you think of yourself because you know yourself better, you do you. but i think that you don’t have an avoidant attachment, you are not one of a kind of those attachers, you just simply can’t reciprocate what i feel toward you and that’s totally fine. now, this is what i’ve learned lately—i realized that i’m one of those anxious attachers and i’ve realized too that i might been draining myself for chasing you and doing everything that i can to make you feel lovable, enough, suffice or whatever just to make you stay, or i might been draining you for chasing you either, i’ve been overthinking that you might be creating reasons just to push me away, that’s just my thinking but i don’t really want to believe what i think. in addition, i’ve read this somewhere that we need to remember that sometimes we don’t respect other’s boundaries by expecting an exuberant amount of soothing and reassurance which isn’t sustainable or fair on the other person, which is very true and i couldn’t agree more. i can feel people pulling away from me because of my anxious attachment style where i take everything personally and imagine the worst case scenario in every little thing. i wouldn’t either if i were to date somebody with an anxious attachment style.

I hope you know i loved you, and i never wanted to let you go. I dream about you every night and day.

I wish you didn’t succeed in 2016. I still imagine you coming home one day and wish I could wake up from this nightmare

I hate grieving but sometimes I am afraid if I stop, you will be left behind in the past

Please stay longer until im ready to let you go.

I miss the drugs and the alcohol. I'm tired of still feeling the guilt, but this time I'm sober.

I wonder if I could ever be lonelier than this

ma, pa, di ko na po kaya im sorry.

sana dapuan ng karma ang ex ko kasi sinira nya ang pagtingin ko sa pagmamahal

im so inlove with sadness i became a friend to it

Why did everyone have to do that stuff behind my back and it took me years to realize it

If I could do it over again I wouldn’t be as apologetic. I came to you with a problem that I wanted you to apologise for because you hurt me and you still found a way for me to be the bad guy. I don’t know how I ended up being the one asking for forgiveness or what I was seeking forgiveness for, but a small part of me always knew it would end that way. I just wish you hadn’t taken my dignity with you.

You're the one I loved the most, I didn't want to let you go but I had to, and you didn't try to keep me..

I want to thank my grandfather for showing up for me in so many ways that I didn’t see until we lost him last August. My dad left when I was 2 and my mom has bi-polar disorder, untreated. I want to tell my parents I love them both and know they did the best that they could, and for that I forgive them. I also want to tell them that the hurt and neglect they caused me will always hold so much of my energy, my heart and my outlook on life. I will continue to try to be better, see things better and love better than they were able to towards me, their only daughter. Thank you for reading.

i am trying really hard to be okay again.

people would say that my life should not revolve around my history of abuse. i totally agree. but sometimes it really just finds its way back into me. i wouldn’t say it defines me as a whole but i also wouldn’t say it didn’t affect me at all. i’m wounded to the core.

My heart still aches for choosing to break up with you. My heart still aches despite understanding deeply why it was more loving to end us. My heart still aches but my heart keeps on loving and praying for you from afar. This grief! It's always easier to get mad, but I couldn't. The best I can do is to stay as far as possible from you.

We were never supposed to be a long time, but we loved fiercely, and my heart will always wonder what if we took that jump.

Dear Geloy, My uncle killed himself 2 months ago. I'm severely suicidal with multiple attempts under my belt, and remember sitting down with my aunt and family the day it happened and listening to them talk. I can't help but wonder what they are going to say about me at the table when it's my time to go too. I'm sorry uncle Jim, I miss you and I love you. See you soon.

Mommy, Daddy, pwede na ba ako sumunod dyan? Pagod na pagod na po ang panganay nyo....

I love you. You are my hero.

Always wanted to kill my 2 kids and follow after but of course I won't.

I am so desperate for a love i will never get. How do i stop this feeling of emptiness from eating me up everyday?

I have no problem in sacrificing for others, but i just wish people would see me as someone more than a backup plan. Someone more than a side character. I wish someone would love me the way i love them..

All I wanted was you to believe in me, even if I didn’t deserve it.

in another life, i am not someone's almost

I’m sorry I hurt you so much I just didn’t know how to love myself first

How do stop mourning a love that wasn’t fulfilling. Everyday goes by and i crave your love the same as i did months ago. you didn’t value me but i didn’t care. I miss my love

My parents say they love me but they have never understood me every time I try to express my opinion or say I’m sad or mad they shut me out they don’t care they say I’m crazy because it’s because of your issues I know there good people and I love them from the bottom of my heart and there good parents they just don’t know how to work with a kid with my type of issues - 519190718

I had to learn to unlove you.

I lost myself when I lost him

sana dapuan ng karma ang ex ko kasi sinira nya ang pagtingin ko sa pagmamahal

I really wish you knew how much you mean to me, and that you are the reason I am still standing here today. I love you.

people always assume that i am going to do the wrong thing, or that i will do something bad. i try so hard to be a good person and treat everyone with the love and conpassion they deserve, but still. i don’t understand why people underestimate and think so lowly of me.

It’s hard pretending my feelings aren’t stronger than they are, especially when all I want is to love you openly. I wish I didn’t have to hold myself back every time there’s a chance for us to grow closer, but if keeping some boundaries helps you stay, then so be it. Still, thank you for not giving up on this friendship. I hope you see just how much you matter to me :))

i hope you'll see how much you mean to me, despite everything

i hate the fact that i forgive people too easily even when they don't know that i'm hurt. i wish i wasnt too attached to them just to be this blind.

when i'm happy i feel like i'm being annoying. when i'm sad i feel like i'm being a crybaby. when i'm angry i feel like i'm being a brat. but when i force myself to not feel anything i feel like i'm being overly edgy. i wish i could let myself feel emotions without any sort of disgust or guilt attached to them

Everyday, I just feel like my whole body is in auto mode. I’m not even trying to think anymore and just let my body do its thing.

i am sorry for all the hurt i have caused you because there was a war in my head

maybe it was my fault for letting myself fall too hard. i never knew i'd long for you.

Im sorry Im the one who left you first

I’m too young to feel like i’m gonna fail in life. am i really not good enough? or i’m just in the wrong path

There’s so many things, I wanted to say to you. But the words get stuck in my throat. I don’t know why maybe because if I say them to you there real and I will have to admit how horrible I felt when you broke my heart. I don’t want to face you

is it selfish if i put an end to all? :) i understand the big impact to people after but how about me? what about me? :)

All I've ever wanted is to be happy, genuinely happy and at peace.

I feel like my teenage insecurities reincarnated noong nagkaroon ng pageant dito sa University namin noong nagkaroon ng fair dito katatapos ko lang sa OJT ko noon at noong sumama ako sa Grand parade bilang simula ng university fair namin nakita ko yung mga pambato ng mga iba't ibang College departments kasama na dun yung sa amin--- nung nakita ko sila ang gwapo at ang gaganda nila. Pakiramdam ko nanliit ako noong nakita ko sila --- hindi dahil gusto kong sumali sa mga pageant -- ayoko -- kung hindi sa kadahilanang inaamin ako na kinompara ko yung sarili ko sa kanila --- bakit kaya hindi ako kasing gwapo nung mga lalaking kasali dun --- ampuputi ang kikinis nila o kahit Moreno yung ibang contestant dun ang gwapo pa din --- feeling ko pag tumabi sila sa akin gagwapo sila lalo dahil sa itsura ko --- kaya inaamin ko rin na hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin sa social media accounts nila kumbaga napunta ako doomscrolling dahil dun --- ang sakit-sakit lang kasi maramdaman na naiinggit ako hindi dahil gusto silang siraan kung hindi dahil hindi ko maiwasang maikompara ang itsura ko sa kanilang lahat --- sa lahat ng lugar dun pa talaga sa event na yun --- I was admiring all of them from afar I was mesmerized by their looks --- little did I know that my insecurities returned when I already dumped it when I was 15,16 or 17 years old now that I am in my 20s and in college as well.

i wanted to end my life 11 years ago, i said i'd never live past 14. i'm 25 and i feel like i should've done it most of the time. i know its the only way out for me, one way or another it'll happen.

I'm sorry mother you loved me far more than I deserved

I fantasize about terrible things happening to me in hopes that it will bring you back into my life

Tangina ng politika sa Pilipinas. Ang hirap maging mahirap, walang kang pagpipilian kung hindi mag-survive sa araw-araw habang harap-harapan na tayo niloloko ng ilang mga senador. Leche. Drama gusto, accountability ayaw?

I am 20 and I've been in a dissociative episode fueled by depression for a couple of weeks. I have now realized I have never been someone's first choice. Not even my family's. If love is all that matters in this world, am I not worthy of it?

There is something going on with my head, and I don't want to know. Pray for me.

I am terrified of other people seeing my scars or asking about them, and I hate having to see them every single day and being reminded of everything I put myself through but at the same time I hate to see them get fainter

hate that I won’t ever know if any of it was real for you

your true colors are revealing itself. You aren’t as good of a person as I thought, why did I ever trust you

I feel jealous of families who can give their children both the things they need and the things they want. But I don’t blame my mother because she works very hard to provide for me and my siblings. She supports us in our studies and lets us follow what we want. Because of her, I was able to study in a university in Manila, and my older sister also finished her studies there. Sometimes, I still feel jealous of people my age who easily get the things they want because of their families. I’m happy with what we have, but I still feel a little envy sometimes.

I hate that everybody thinks I’m perfect. Every “perfect” thing I have ever done is for validation, none of it is really who I am. Now I’m trapped, surrounded by people who are so much better than me, but they still call me perfect.

I don't really know if I can move forward. Maybe the photos I take is the testament that I want to be remembered too when I'm gone. -R.E

i never really knew how to say this to you but i’m sorry for all the things i did. i hurt you, and i know you can never forgive me, but you still are in my dreams. and sometimes i still hope i’m in yours too.

I’m so tired of begging people to care about me. Why am I so hard to love?

We still have so many first times to look forward to.

i wanted you to tell me—and actually mean it—that you got us. that when i was breaking up with you and telling you how drained i was, you’d have said you can carry us out of it while i pick myself up.

I wish I knew who I was beyond my traumas and pain

I hope my unblooded siblings know that they are my reason to keep moving forward. 💗

I feel like I mourn my father more than I do my uncle. They died 4 days apart just a week after my 15th birthday. There were so many emotions flying around that I feel like I never properly started the grieving process for my uncle. I miss them both. A lot. Addiction sucks.

I wear so many faces, but the hard thing is none of them are fake

Im sorry, my efforts aren't enough for you

i wish i wasn’t a horrible person who is mentally unstable. mood disorders suck

I have held this huge overbearing weight on my back for so long that says I will never be good enough ever since you walked out on my life. As the person who brought me into this life, it was supposed to be you’re top priority. Seeking validation from everyone that walked into my life has overtaken me. It has become me and it has made me the people pleaser I am. Yet, despite the self-sabotaging people pleasing, I can never feel satisfied and I can never feel good enough because I unconsciously engraved in my brain that I never will be good enough. Never good enough… because the person who brought me into this world walked out of mine so easily.

The other day my significant other got blackout drunk and told me that other women can do better things for him. And I have never felt so alone in my life in that moment. He swears he doesn’t remember saying it. But it broke my heart and I’ll never forget it. I don’t think I can forgive him.

You deserve friendships that don’t make you question your place

Why is it always the good person who hurt the most?

How can I say to my family that I was sexually abused when I was a kid by someone they treated as a family.

Thank you for being the kind of account that reminds people every day to keep going, even when life gets heavy. 🤍

I feel like my teenage insecurities reincarnated noong nagkaroon ng pageant dito sa University namin noong nagkaroon ng fair dito katatapos ko lang sa OJT ko noon at noong sumama ako sa Grand parade bilang simula ng university fair namin nakita ko yung mga pambato ng mga iba't ibang College departments kasama na dun yung sa amin--- nung nakita ko sila ang gwapo at ang gaganda nila. Pakiramdam ko nanliit ako noong nakita ko sila --- hindi dahil gusto kong sumali sa mga pageant -- ayoko -- kung hindi sa kadahilanang inaamin ako na kinompara ko yung sarili ko sa kanila --- bakit kaya hindi ako kasing gwapo nung mga lalaking kasali dun --- ampuputi ang kikinis nila o kahit Moreno yung ibang contestant dun ang gwapo pa din --- feeling ko pag tumabi sila sa akin gagwapo sila lalo dahil sa itsura ko --- kaya inaamin ko rin na hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin sa social media accounts nila kumbaga napunta ako doomscrolling dahil dun --- ang sakit-sakit lang kasi maramdaman na naiinggit ako hindi dahil gusto silang siraan kung hindi dahil hindi ko maiwasang maikompara ang itsura ko sa kanilang lahat --- sa lahat ng lugar dun pa talaga sa event na yun --- I was admiring all of them from afar I was mesmerized by their looks --- little did I know that my insecurities returned when I already dumped it when I was 15,16 or 17 years old now that I am in my 20s and in college as well.

I was loved deeply, yet something in me still wandered. Like a name whispered in another room I could never reach. No matter how warm the hands that raised me were, part of me kept searching for a place my soul remembered but my body never knew. And maybe that’s the cruelest thing about being chosen. You spend your whole life grateful, while quietly mourning something you cannot even name.

Hello Sir Geloy! I’m also a hobbyist photog here in Manila. For years i’ve been fighting silent battles in my head. I don’t even know what to do, not until nakita ko lahat ng artworks mo. :-) Thank you for validating our unsaid thoughts/emotions. Yung simpleng pagpopost mo ng mga artworks mo, ang laking impact sakin to continue in life. Sana marami ka pang mainspire na mga kagaya namin na lumalaban sa dilim na pilit inaahon ang mga sarili sa labang kami lang ang nakakaalam.

I worry if I’ll ever be able to trust anyone before it just completely falls apart. I get close and feel like they’re someone I can rely on completely, then something has to happen that causes tension and makes it all fall apart, slow and painfully. I’m scared of getting too close, but I don’t want to be alone at the same time. People are scary, I’m terrified of affection

I feel bittersweet looking at you now that we are older. You were once the guy I wanted to have a future with, but the reality of being out of your league scared me. I left. I’m sorry. Years have passed, I still look and consider you my first love.

Why are people like this? Or am I the problem?

I promised my mom when she was dying that I would just be happy. I am finally choosing me.

ive been pretty open with my feelings but sometimes i don't want someone to give me a solution. i just want someone to listen and to understand how hard it is and just validate my feelings for once in my life.

it was never your fault, they we're just asking for something you're not geared up for. dont take it to heart please move on life shouldnt be this serious.

mom, i know you love me. but i wish you liked me too.

- I'm sorry, promise babawi ako - 'Wag na - Ha? Why? - Hindi mo naman ginagawa Paulit-ulit mong sinabi ang “babawi ako,” na para bang sapat ang mga salitang iyon upang tahiin ang mga luhang ikaw rin naman ang lumikha. At ako, sa bawat pagkakataong marinig iyon, ay muling naniniwala— kahit alam kong ang pag-asa ay matagal nang unti-unting namamatay sa aking dibdib. Hanggang sa dumating ang araw na hindi ko na hinintay ang pagbawi mo. Sapagkat napagtanto kong ang tanging bagay na mahusay mong binawi… ay ang mga pangakong minsan mong ipinangakong hindi mo bibitiwan.

I yearn for loving. No, not love, but loving. Loving is so inherent to me, I don’t care what my past experiences are, those who stay, I will continue to love, without anything in return. It’s just how I was built. As long as you are with me, as long as you don’t give me a reason not to, as long as you let me, I. WILL. LOVE. because that’s just who I am.

i hate how they take advantage of me because they know i would do anything for them.

i think we all live in blissful ignorance as children. or i hope we all do. sometimes i wish for one day, i could get rid of everything bad i know, and be a child in that bedroom again. I miss the wood lined walls, the echo of laughter. The ghosts left behind of me, i crave to retrace my steps.

Im here to prove them that whatever u face will end in the mean time

I hope they notice me the way I noticed them, the same as I understand them I hope they understand me too.

It's harder to force myself not to love her than to come to terms with what she did.

why do i have to feel like a complete stranger in my own home, ive grown up being the lonely child with no emotional support from my parents. they’ve always think that i can manage myself cause im the oldest sibling, but ive always wanted to have someone who can say “are u okay?”—someone who would check on me to see if i still want to live, someone who will understand me. i just wish my parents were better for me :D

i love you but the difference between our families makes it hard to think of a good future for us

It's funny how it's called humanity yet rarely found in humans

I'm always the one who ends up sacrificing for others. Everytime i have to be the one to let go of someone or something. I hate this. But i can't help it, I'd rather be in pain,than let someone else feel hurt.

I finally had a chance to work on myself just now and i hope life continues to be gentle on me. i can finally say that i want to live and win this life.

Sometimes when I’m about to sleep I keep thinking of all the words I should’ve said.

I've been tired for so long, but some people make leaving feel heavier than staying.

everything hurts…

Since we broke up I have thought about you every single day. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to love somebody the way I loved you, even though I’m in a happy relationship it’s just not you. It’s like I left everything I had with you and I’ll never be able to get it back. I hope we can reconnect one day and smile at each other again.

i miss you so much i’m sorry i pretended not to recognize you the last time, i’m scared of the idea of coming back and us falling apart again. i think i’m baños of you and the way you seemed to forgive me so easily.

I wish you knew how important you are to me :)

I cut my hair off every time I go through something traumatic. That’s how I cope.

To the man I dearly waited on, I hope nothing but still the best for you. I want to say how regretful I am for all those chances that I've missed. I should have reach out to you sooner and make things work, yet the fear and insecurities I have back then was so immense that I didn't realize I was too late to be your potential lover. I hope you make things right and start anew with the woman that captures your heart. You taught me so much in life that a memory of your glance, made my day so bright. I'm glad I've met you, but maybe in another universe, I hope to be by your side.

you tell me you love me but my blood on your knuckles tells me otherwise

Mama, I'm so sorry I did not get the chance to even check on you. It was very sudden. You were very healthy. No one knew that you will leave us this early. I am forever grateful for the life that you'd built for us. I always end up with this belief for comfort, that we are all energy and we can neither be created nor destroyed. We only transform into another form, so I know that you are never gone. I love you! Maraming salamat, mama. 💛

ever since you took your own life ive been on a mission to take my own. I miss you. And I’m so sorry I failed you.

It kills me that if my inner child saw me she would be so disappointed in me. I wish I could have been someone in life. All my dreams are dying, and so is my soul.

i want to quit smoking and hooking up until it’s too late :)

Somehow I allowed myself to take partial blame and guilt, allowed you to fault me for what was only a reaction to an action. I was the one feeling lonely, even though I had the one person I loved most by my side. I was the one who kept going without dates, without pictures, without moments to show I meant the world to you. In your eyes, we were happy and satisfied. When did this change? When I said it all out loud, even after saying it a million times but with love and care. You were happy because you chose me, married me, held me in the house. You were happy because I was physically there, only for you and to no one else. Brokenhearted, only then did you realize something was wrong. I was crumbling in front of you, knowing this may be the end, but pushing every little piece I had left. The empty feeling, the roommate relationship rather than husband and wife, it all became so painful. Painful to do anything around the house, hurtful to even talk or be touched by you, and exhausting to put effort that is not reciprocated. Suddenly, this weight on my shoulder became heavier. I wasn’t being understood or even forgiven for these hard times. Rather, I carried guilt for every moment I was tired, overwhelmed, and lonely even though you were right next to me. I carried guilt on days the emotional load of the situation took a toll on my physical abilities. The concentration wasn’t on fixing what was destroyed, but was focused on the aftermath of the destruction. I became the wife who doesn’t do anything around the house, the wife who can’t control her emotions, the wife who doesn’t show her feminine side. All this to maintain the image you keep (which is what I fell in love with) and hide the man you truly are with your wife. Even got to the point of messing MY IMAGE with false information to the closest people in my life, how NARCISSISTIC!! The man that chose to keep me and put me under his wing. I wasn’t being shown off or chosen out loud. I was being kept and not chosen every single time. Heck, the cats were more important than the supposed partner sharing life. I was settling for a version of love that kept asking me to shrink my needs. The need to feel seen, the need for effort not perfection, the need for consistency not empty promises, and the need to carry the weight of life together. I feel sad to have put myself through this, not the experience of living life with you (or for you) but for loving you deeply enough to be gentle with it all. Enough to letting you and myself believe that I was in the wrong as much as you were. Not that I am perfect — because no one is — but I was always trying, always becoming a better version of myself, always wanting to live life WITH you. As much as I want to tell you all those unspoken words, as much as I want to thank you. Taking that break and coming back more determined to make this work, only to find you took the love you had me out of your heart. The words “I do not love you anymore”, and “you are now just like any other girl” stabbed me more than anything did in this world. I was not only hurt, but the actions of betrayal somehow became validated. I want to thank you for FINALLY being honest with me. I want to thank you for enlightening me to the true being you are, at least with your wife. My decision became easy here, no matter how much love I carry till this day, simply from these two sentences. I did not marry you to feel alone and I will not be another girl who stayed in a marriage simply for love. Love that practically begged for attention from a love that started from needing control. I love myself too much for that and definitely deserve more than a man who wants me for the wrong reasons. I deserve being in the life and SHARING a life who chooses me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And is not afraid to show it. Goodbye and may I see you again in a state where I am better than ever and no longer affected by the songs that play, the images that replay, and the touch that’s felt through every moment remembered. Goodbye to the best and absolute worst thing that has happened to me. :(

i wish you loved me too it's been 5 years and you never said back

i love him and i still acknowledge that he traumatized me.

yesterday I was the only youth who lead our santa cruzan, while seeing my co-youth passed by to watched a basketball, my tears almost fall down, my voice crack while reading rosary and the kids was in chaos

i never know if protecting myself and my peace means telling someone to stop talking as their words send me into spiral or continuing to listen so i won't have to deal with conflict

I miss everything that i had, but i miss you most

I wish I could tell you about my life and my accomplishments. I wish I could be there by your side to see you win. But at the same time, you are slowly becoming a distant memory as I enter a new chapter of my life.

I was 14 when my dad committed suicide. I am almost 23 now. I feel like i’ve missed out on so much of my short life already because of the grief, and deep depression that has followed. I barely had any teen years experience; because I couldn’t get out of my bed. I dropped out of high school. I feel like i’ve disappointed my Father. He was incredibly smart. I went from not getting out of my bed; to being an “adult” who now has to work and pay bills, but at the end of my days i’m always in bed. Sad, in pain, wondering why my life turned out the way it is. I think people expect grief to go away after a certain point, or at least for you not to talk about it. I make people so uncomfortable when I bring him up. I just want to keep his memory alive, because I am the only one that still does. I want to make him proud of me, and I wish he was here sometimes. I know life turns out a certain way, and we just have to deal with it. But I don’t get why some people have it so much harder than others. What did I do to deserve two mentally ill addict parents who were/are abusive? Why do I miss my father even though he put me through hell? I don’t understand my brain, and I never will. I just hope one day I find peace because I truly don’t think i’ll make it past 30 unless I start feeling better.

I thought we shared something special, something that can never be broken— turns out it was just me ;)) right mike?

i would’ve done anything to save our relationship, even though it was your mistakes that broke it. you didn’t put in the effort to fix what you did, so i had to let go to save myself.

i'm tired of being me

i hope i can always start over..

I expected a lot for my 17th birthday (01-30-2023), but when the day came, I had to take care of my mom because she was sick and my dad was working in his car so I was alone the whole day, even my best friend forgot about my bday. It was the same as every other birthday but what still hurts about that day is the fact that the only message that I received in the whole day was about my 8 y/o nephew. He had leukemia, and the message said that he was in his last days and that he was probably dying in the same day. He didn't. He died just five days later, but the fact that I wasn't there for him still haunts me till this day.

You never did listen didnt you?

I wish I tried harder but maybe if I did I wouldn't be here

I’m 19 years old and I know I’m still young but I haven’t felt fully and completely happy in my entire life. My entire childhood was dogged with misfortune and abuse and I still struggle financially. I know one day I’ll be okay, but I don’t when that day will come. And I’m getting really tired. So, so tired. I know I shouldn’t give up, but I’m losing a lot of faith.

i said i have trust issues because it was easier than saying that a man i should’ve been able to trust took my body from me when i was 11 and i don’t know if i ever got it back

You are not hard to love just because someone failed to love you well.

why does what they call "unreciprocated" love become ordinary for me? i would like someone, confess to her, and would lead to me moving on.

I'm afraid that I will never reach my full potential. My friends and family keeps reminding me that I'm too young to say things like this. Someday, the right opportunity will come. But they don't know I'm afraid to take risks because my parents won't allow me to work far away from home. I feel suffocated and I lost my passion.

I lost my mother to my own identity and it hurts. I used to be her rock and now I'm the source of all her problems. Why did I have to come out to her?

A few months ago I remembered something that happened to me as a child, this memory was quite hidden and that is that they abused me when I was only 10 years old. It was nothing very serious, but now that this memory is no longer hidden in my subconscious, I don't know how to feel about it.

Letting go of you has been the hardest but most rewarding decision I have made in a long time. Lately however, it’s been more hard than it has been rewarding, because I get sad thinking about how much time I spent putting you before myself, which leads me think about you.

everything hurts…

I wish I could tell him that what he did ruined me for a long time. I want him to know that I was a kid who trusted and looked up to him only for him to have shattered it in a single day. I am still recovering from what he put me through and the aftermath it caused. I hate him.

how ironic life is, i heard my uncle's talking about my papa, he was a good man..they idolize my papa who's now in jail because of dr*gs

I hate the word “hate” but I truly hate you from taking a part of me. For living your life unaffected and leaving me with this trauma to work through

i hate that i need to put up a facade that i am a bad person to appear strong because i used to experience bullying and hatred from people.

"I need the saving." something I would never admit to someone

I used to have so much love and life in me. Y'all took it

I cant help but cry everytime i talk to my sister. Shes the most precious human I’ve ever met i love her so much that i cant stand the thought that she could be upset about anything.

i have grew up physically appealing. ever since i hit puberty, people looked at me different, treated me differently. it feels like people don't see anything in me except my appearance. i feel like no body even bothers to get to know me for who i really am and I'd never be loved for anything except my looks

Finally experiencing the love I deserve.