I stopped asking, 'Why is this happening to me?' and started asking, 'What is this teaching me?'

i think i loved you. like really loved you. like it makes me hate you how much i loved you. you

I think alot of people dewell on the past and I personally am one of those people . I believe i dwell because i wish i could change certain things mostly the things that made me feel sad or upset . I wish i could go back in time and tell my parents that they weren’t doing there job right but i was too afraid of what might have happened i was too afraid of the life i wouldve had if i had said something but now i speak up for myself and try to express the way i feel in every bit so that people who cause me to feel how my parents made me feel can change the way they treat me . Ive learned that i also project my feelings on to people because i dont know how to control my feelings this is something i feel like most people struggle with and i hope everyone who does finds a way to express and love themselves to the fullest!

i never know if protecting myself and my peace means telling someone to stop talking as their words send me into spiral or continuing to listen so i won't have to deal with conflict

I hate the memories only my body remembers the most.

January was the last month I've ever spend time with some of the people i love the most in this world. None of them died, I see them daily. I see them talking and joking and planning stuff to do on the weekends, and loving and laughing and crying and comforting each other, and it's all without me. There's a certain type of death that comes for those relationships that quietly rot down, you know? They're the only people i can genuinely be myself with, and without them i feel hollow, like some skinless corpse. A part of me feels like they're ungrateful for all the things i did for them, but the things I did for them aren't things people are supposed to do for others, like not killing myself, learning to be kinder, listen to others, stuff like that. Was i not human enough for them? Was I too rough? Or too demanding? Too much? Or gave too little? Am I that much of a terrible being? I latch onto the memories we left but it looks like you all moved quickly and I don't know how to process that.

All I wanted was a sincere apology from you, but instead you cause so much emotional trauma that I don't even know how to trust people anymore.

i have to convince myself that i wouldn’t be the same if it didn’t happen but maybe i would’ve been a better version of myself than i am now

at this point in my life dying isn't sad anymore its more crucial decisions to stop affecting everyone around me especially myself because i cant control it anymore, my state.

Hi geloy, My step brother and cousin raped me. No one knows besides my husband and sister. I haven’t told my mom because I’m afraid she’ll be dissatisfied in that information. All I want is her support. I’m afraid she’d rather sweep it under the rug than comfort her daughter.

i hate the fact that i forgive people too easily even when they don't know that i'm hurt. i wish i wasnt too attached to them just to be this blind.

I am still grieving for my grandfather who died 11 years ago, for my grandmother who died 2 years ago, and for myself whom I lost last year. It just hurts to see that everyone has already moved forward and I am the only one who’s stuck. I can’t even look at my previous photos when I was still doing great because it hurts a lot to see that I can never be as happy again. I grieve because I can never be the same as then.

I hope you know i loved you, and i never wanted to let you go. I dream about you every night and day.

I was 14 when my dad committed suicide. I am almost 23 now. I feel like i’ve missed out on so much of my short life already because of the grief, and deep depression that has followed. I barely had any teen years experience; because I couldn’t get out of my bed. I dropped out of high school. I feel like i’ve disappointed my Father. He was incredibly smart. I went from not getting out of my bed; to being an “adult” who now has to work and pay bills, but at the end of my days i’m always in bed. Sad, in pain, wondering why my life turned out the way it is. I think people expect grief to go away after a certain point, or at least for you not to talk about it. I make people so uncomfortable when I bring him up. I just want to keep his memory alive, because I am the only one that still does. I want to make him proud of me, and I wish he was here sometimes. I know life turns out a certain way, and we just have to deal with it. But I don’t get why some people have it so much harder than others. What did I do to deserve two mentally ill addict parents who were/are abusive? Why do I miss my father even though he put me through hell? I don’t understand my brain, and I never will. I just hope one day I find peace because I truly don’t think i’ll make it past 30 unless I start feeling better.

I don’t feel “pretty” or “beautiful.” I know if I took take better care of myself, I would. But I don’t feel like I deserve to take care of myself either. If anything, I’m just pretty decent.

kelan ko ba mararamdaman na nasa tamang lugar ako, pero feeling ko ako lang naman talaga ang makakaalam eh

i wish your family loved me more

im also tired of myself

i care when i walk away. I get furious and indifferent because i cared. This is my language and you become a part of me if you can comprehend. That is how.

I want to k/ll myself, maybe one day.

It's funny how it's called humanity yet rarely found in humans

I wish I had more time with you Nanay. I wish I had more time to buy your medicine, sleep in your bed with you, buy you any dress u want in this world since I had the adult money na. I miss you so much. We miss you so much. We just wish we had more time…

i've been terrified of my mother for so long, i forgot what it was like to be loved by her

ikaw lang naman ang gusto ko eh. kaya ko namang nasa tabi mo habang naghheal ka sa mga problems mo in life. pero bakit kailangan mo akong bitawan?

It sucks that up until now, I still get the flashbacks. It sucks that I need to own up to something that wasn’t even my fault to begin with. You made me hate myself and I hate you for that.

I have completely given up on yhe thought of living since 8 years old and I'm ok with that. Every years since then have been consistent proof for my intention, and I feel like a fake and a loser fir preservering. I am so big of a hypocrite that sometimes I wonder if I'm still here just to wait for that little glimmer of hope to appear, and that in itself is maybe also hope. I don't know and don't intend to find out. To my family and friends, I'm grateful for the positive change but that won't be needed anymore. I've learnt my lesson. May you all live on in bliss.

my uncle died from cancer in 2016, he was the best person I knew. I was robbed of a lot of things back then, including a family. I tell myself to choose kindness to honor him but deep down I am so angry.

I'm just tired being the back-up plan. I've always look up into you but then all I can feel is disappointments.

Some nights I look at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling and am afraid of dying in my sleep.

It’s hard pretending my feelings aren’t stronger than they are, especially when all I want is to love you openly. I wish I didn’t have to hold myself back every time there’s a chance for us to grow closer, but if keeping some boundaries helps you stay, then so be it. Still, thank you for not giving up on this friendship. I hope you see just how much you matter to me :))

maybe it is better to stay silent

sometimes i look at my mother and see someone who loves me, other times i look at her and see a heartless human being with intentions to harm others. everyday i wake up scared to see who i'll face that day - her daughter

It feels like I’ve been begging for the bare minimum in every relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m starting to worry I’m always going to be more in love with them than they are with me.

nothing could have ever prepared me for the pain of seeing the one you love silently, love someone else.

" I saved myself then and I'll save myself now but sometimes I wonder what it's like to be saved "

this will be the last time that i will talk about them, nor try to think about them. i think its time for me to let go of those wonderful memories that i know myself will never come back. everyone had already outgrew me and i think that’s the end of this friendship with them. it was a wonderful year spent with them, and i’m forever grateful to have friends like them. i hope they do win in life cause i’ll be rooting for them. and i hope they find peace and harmony in whatever they do. thank you all.

I always second guess or doubt what people say because I was never told the truth, I wish I could believe in something now

sa tatay kong ibinigay kmi sa ibang family, thankful ako sa gnawa kahit may kunting galit pa sa puso ko.

hanggang kailan ba ako magpapanggap na okay na ako?

Hi, just got back from work and i saw this. im so so tired guys, reading here lessen it somehow :) i love u all ♡

i want to quit smoking and hooking up until it’s too late :)

I’m afraid that as time goes by, my ego and anger will get the best of me and end up as the very person I’ve been preventing to be — losing the real "me".

i would rather die remembering the things I shouldn’t than remember none of them at all

I hope they notice me the way I noticed them, the same as I understand them I hope they understand me too.

Please stay longer until im ready to let you go.

think everyone should go through cancer once in their life yep, i said it earlier while pouring my thoughts out to my boyfriend i had leukemia. four years of chemo and lately life has been so loud and chaotic that i caught myself thinking about those days again - being stuck in a hospital bed, waiting for my family to feed me, bathe me, take care of me. completely dependent on them and i know how selfish that sounds because back then, while i was going through cancer, the only thing on my plate was getting better. that was it. my family carried everything else for me. they were the ones fighting beside me in ways i probably still can’t fully understand now life is different. i have two jobs, i went back to college, i live alone, and i still go to monthly checkups. everything feels fast all the time and some days it gets heavy in a way i don’t really know how to explain so when i think about that hospital bed, i don’t miss the cancer itself. i miss the pause. the simplicity of only having one job: survive the day. no pressure to figure out the future. no pretending to have everything together i’ll always be grateful i made it through but surviving cancer doesn’t mean life suddenly becomes easier after. sometimes it just changes the kind of tired you carry

All this time, I just wanted to be truly happy. Is it really that hard?

im so tired of being kind to people who use it against me

everything hurts…

i will never tell her this but my little sister saved my life. she was born during time when i was very suicidal and thought about ending my life very often. being able to raise her and help my parents be better for her than they were for me gave me a new purpose. she’s one of the biggest loves of my life and i cannot imagine a life where we grew up without each other.

I hate that at my thirties I am healing my inner child, I feel rage for all the things that my family put trough to an amazing, inocent and beautiful soul, at a young age I experienced solitude, sadness and I craved love and hugs, I am learning to love myself, to be compassionate to myself and all that in order to raise my own daughter, I am being the mother I always wanted.

Being excluded hurts, but it should never convince you that you are worthless.

This is the life I prayed for. Why am I lonely?

i live in constant fear of my own mind, in fear that one day i might come to terms with the fact that is was my fault.

I want to thank my grandfather for showing up for me in so many ways that I didn’t see until we lost him last August. My dad left when I was 2 and my mom has bi-polar disorder, untreated. I want to tell my parents I love them both and know they did the best that they could, and for that I forgive them. I also want to tell them that the hurt and neglect they caused me will always hold so much of my energy, my heart and my outlook on life. I will continue to try to be better, see things better and love better than they were able to towards me, their only daughter. Thank you for reading.

i am tired of carrying these burdens alone. i wish someone would willingly take them off my shoulders.

ma, pa, di ko na po kaya im sorry.

Oh how I wish you were still here.

I don't think I will actually amount to anything in life.

people always assume that i am going to do the wrong thing, or that i will do something bad. i try so hard to be a good person and treat everyone with the love and conpassion they deserve, but still. i don’t understand why people underestimate and think so lowly of me.

I wish you a good life, stranger

I still love him pero pagod na ko masaktan. Sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa kanya kailangan ko ilubog sarili ko.

i’m scared my friends won’t like me anymore. i haven’t seen them for over a year now, i have changed i’m so scared they aren’t going to like that change

i want to give up but my cats need me

I wish I could just accept the good things my friends tell me about. That I don't have to question how am I deserving of them being nice to me, and what I have to do to stay in that position. I wish that I can just be. Exist as me. Without the feeling of needing to be that someone, so I can accept myself as deserving of other people's affection.

am i selfish if i choose to work abroad and leave my family here?

I'm scared that perhaps there are just people who's meant to live their life alone. Regardless of how hard they try to seek for someone

think everyone should go through cancer once in their life yep, i said it earlier while pouring my thoughts out to my boyfriend i had leukemia. four years of chemo and lately life has been so loud and chaotic that i caught myself thinking about those days again - being stuck in a hospital bed, waiting for my family to feed me, bathe me, take care of me. completely dependent on them and i know how selfish that sounds because back then, while i was going through cancer, the only thing on my plate was getting better. that was it. my family carried everything else for me. they were the ones fighting beside me in ways i probably still can’t fully understand now life is different. i have two jobs, i went back to college, i live alone, and i still go to monthly checkups. everything feels fast all the time and some days it gets heavy in a way i don’t really know how to explain so when i think about that hospital bed, i don’t miss the cancer itself. i miss the pause. the simplicity of only having one job: survive the day. no pressure to figure out the future. no pretending to have everything together i’ll always be grateful i made it through but surviving cancer doesn’t mean life suddenly becomes easier after. sometimes it just changes the kind of tired you carry

I don't feel safe in any place anymore

I hate it when people say, ‘He’s still your dad,’ as if they don’t know the horrible things he’s done. I fear I may never be able to forgive him.

helj

How am I ever supposed to forgive myself if I can’t even forgive people who have done the exact same thing? I am simply a monster. Through and through.

You got the best of me. No one had ever received the love I gave you. The moment conflict occurred, you packed and left. I still don’t know why. I broke in a way I’ll never be the same. Thank you Raul.

I'm sorry I can't love you the way you deserve. I feel physical pain when thinking about breaking up with you and hate myself for making you feel this way. I wish I could evaporate so I could never hurt anyone again. It's just my fault. I don't know what I'm looking for. Sorry I wasted your time.

I pray that someday we both heal from the things that caused us pain. I’m sorry, Rieve. I truly loved you, and I know I hurt you in ways I never intended to. But there was never someone else. I never loved anyone the way I loved and cared for you — even until now. No other person ever took your place. But I also know I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. Love shouldn’t leave someone hurting this much. I loved you in the best way I knew how, even when it felt like you never really saw or appreciated it. I had so much respect, patience, and grace for you that even your flaws could never lessen the love I was willing to give. I kept adjusting, understanding, and holding on… but somewhere along the way, I started losing myself too. I know you’re hurting, but being hurt shouldn’t mean treating me like this. Love isn’t supposed to feel this painful. And even after everything, my love for you is still here. I just hope you heal from everything weighing on your heart. And if my presence only adds to your pain, then maybe leaving is the kindest thing I can do for you, just so you can finally be happy again. Maybe one day, I’ll also find the kind of love that feels gentle, safe, and appreciated. Until then, I’ll keep loving you quietly from afar and carry it in my heart until it no longer hurts this much.

my hyper-independence stems from my childhood trauma and it has become so bad that I struggle to make and maintain relationships.

I have held this huge overbearing weight on my back for so long that says I will never be good enough ever since you walked out on my life. As the person who brought me into this life, it was supposed to be you’re top priority. Seeking validation from everyone that walked into my life has overtaken me. It has become me and it has made me the people pleaser I am. Yet, despite the self-sabotaging people pleasing, I can never feel satisfied and I can never feel good enough because I unconsciously engraved in my brain that I never will be good enough. Never good enough… because the person who brought me into this world walked out of mine so easily.

mom, i know you love me. but i wish you liked me too.

The more I checked on everyone, the more I realized how invisible I actually was.

i think we all live in blissful ignorance as children. or i hope we all do. sometimes i wish for one day, i could get rid of everything bad i know, and be a child in that bedroom again. I miss the wood lined walls, the echo of laughter. The ghosts left behind of me, i crave to retrace my steps.

natatakot akong mag-isa

I am One Year Clean from Self Harm Today

Hi Geloy, I’m 21 years old and I got sober from drugs last year. my childhood friends and the boy I love are still struggling with getting clean. I feel so guilty for managing to get this far. Every time I achieve something it’s clouded by the feeling that I don’t deserve it while the people I love are still in pain. I feel like I should still be struggling with them. It feels wrong to be happy. Everytime I hear someone has ODed I think “why them and not me. I used more. I used longer” i can’t help but stay in contact with them so I can make sure they are okay and alive even though I know it hinders my growth. I know what it’s like to be where they are and I desperately want to show them sobriety brings you true peace. It is soul shattering watching them and being helpless. I can’t stand knowing they are so alone on the streets. Sometimes the pain is so unbearable I want to give up and go back to drugs and be with them again.

I’m afraid I'm just a potential. 

This time, I don’t feel like I have to beg for reassurance.

I don’t regret standing up for myself & saying how I felt. But sometimes, in my weaker moments, I regret that it changed so much between us.

I hate how we were limited to a few places where our love can exist.

Tangina ng politika sa Pilipinas. Ang hirap maging mahirap, walang kang pagpipilian kung hindi mag-survive sa araw-araw habang harap-harapan na tayo niloloko ng ilang mga senador. Leche. Drama gusto, accountability ayaw?

I think I fell in love with you. Or I got played I can’t tell. I always think I’m going to be able to protect myself but can never see the red flags. I hope you were honest about a possible future together. You pulled away just when I started to really feel something for you. Anyway, for now, everyone seems to want me except you.

I just told him that I wish I could still go back in time when we were not together yet, because I was happier by myself back then. I don't know if it's too selfish of me to be completely honest about my feelings.

i don't know what to do, i'm just a girl.

Why is it always the good person who hurt the most?

I broke so quietly that nobody noticed, and now I carry myself like shattered glass, afraid I can never be whole again.

You hurt me, so I left. It's not my fault that you are racist. It was your decision to side with the person who talked about me and I'm a racist way. This was on you. I won't apologize... Ever.

i lose so much of who i am when i fall in love and now that i like who i've become i don't think i can ever do it again

I debate taking my own life more often than ever in my 30’s. I’ve been told I’m worthless and a waste of air by the person I loved the most.

I feel like my mom hates me. We have similar features and I used to usually get a "you look and sound just like your mother" from everyone that knew her. I always took it as an insult since she is a very toxic and abusive person, but she would too. She hated and hates being compared to me saying that we have no similarities and changing the subject to my younger sister. I feel like she hates my existence. She publicly humiliates me, insults me, hits me, neglects me... the list goes on. I'm not mad at my younger sister, I could never be, it's not her fault. Still, I wish she could understand that the only reason she doesn't remember going through any of that is because I would be so overprotective of her when we were younger that I'd voluntary take her punishments instead. I'd piss off our mom to get her attention out of my sister and put it on me. I'd get the yelling, the hits, the silent treatment... and I'd do it again without thinking twice. It's one of the only things I'll always be proud of, but to think that I was just a kid forced to grow up makes me sick.

I wish they could see how hard I'm trying but how little it's doing for me. Will it ever pay off?

I wish I could just have one morning where I don’t wake up in pain.

I'm afraid that all my dreams won't come true and that my parents won't be proud of me.

The strongest soldier is now at her weakest.

I hate the word “hate” but I truly hate you from taking a part of me. For living your life unaffected and leaving me with this trauma to work through

im 15 and i’ve suffered so much already that i cant even describe it at all. my father abandoned me when i was 3, he has always said that i dont deserve anything good from him. my family doesn’t have a very pleasant money situation and feel like i have to work even being so young. i’ve been bullied since i was 9 for being ugly and weird but i can’t grow out of it

kung tatanungin ako kung ano gusto ko paglaki noong bata ako, ang isasagot ko ay wala. wala akong maalala. kaya siguro hindi malinaw kung saan ako tutungo ngayon kase bata palang ako ay hindi ko na alam. ewan, tama ba ‘tong sinasabi ko? hindi ko alam. ang alam ko lang ay ok ako ngayon, sa ngayon. pero sa loob loob ko, parang di ako makagalaw, para akong nasa gitna ng isang kwarto na walang laman. walang pintuan. ‘di ako makalabas, ang nararamdaman ko lang ay ang pitik ng puso ko na siyang tanging nagpapaalala saakin na buhay ako.

How can I say to my family that I was sexually abused when I was a kid by someone they treated as a family.

I don't care how much God claims to love me, younger me did not deserve everything I was put through.

December 30, 2023 I was too busy thinking about how hard my life this year, how every bone in my body shivers in pain, that excruciating pain not by wounds or any physical pain but by how cruel the world can be. How my heart shrinks, how my mind play tricks on me. Worrying how will I be in the future, how will I be able to pull it off. How the world tries to end the beauty in life that’s left to point where i no longer live and feel alive. I never had a chance to celebrate the small wins and was too busy catering the pain, guilt, hatred in every aspect of my life and how I keep sabotaging myself. The guilt of having true friends yet still feel lonely and hopeless. The guilt of having faith in God yet still feel lost. The guilt of constantly thinking to end this life knowing there are people who still believes, continue to love and pray for you even from afar. Alaska’s word keeping me every god damn night “how will we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?”. My mind keep telling me I deserve what I feel, I blamed myself for what I’ve become. Alaska’s answer to the question is to “forgive”, but how? How can I forgive myself? I blamed my parents and hated God for this life. Anger, envy eats my soul. All the bad thoughts came over me, I might not look like depressed but I am. I don’t know what this new year holds but I’m trying to light this tiniest hope I have in me.

I'm allowed to be sad too, but I don't think people understand that.

sana dapuan ng karma ang ex ko kasi sinira nya ang pagtingin ko sa pagmamahal

is it ok for people to make mistake to someone they love pure-heartedly?

natatakot akong mag-isa

I lost my brother on March 30th. It has been a rough month in a half. I didn't think I could ever experience this much pain in grief in my life. I still have hope that he'll come through our home doors again. I wonder what happens after we die a lot and if I'll ever see him again. I really hope I do.

We still have so many first times to look forward to.

i wish i had the courage to walk away from things that no longer serves me peace

I am scared of the person i might become if i were ever to cross paths with you again— my rage for you feels like a bottomless pit and the scary part? i hope it swallows me whole.

For my entire life, my mom chose that she wants me to pursue medicine, it has always been her choice. Not mine.

i miss when i didn’t care about others’ perceptions of me. now i feel like i’m an empty vessel who bases her self-esteem on others’ opinions of her.

Kung sarili ko lang iniisip ko, graduate na rin sana ako.

I don’t know how to be up front with my emotions. More often than not, I’m not even sure what emotion I’m feeling at all. Happy, Sad, Angry, Tired, Excited, Optimistic, Hopeless. Lately, they have kind of all been blending together. In one moment I’ll feel one way, the next I’ll feel another. Sometimes I feel them all at once, but a lot of the time I don’t feel any of them at all. No matter what emotion I’m feeling I always express it as, “I’m Fine.” To be completely honest, I’m not fine. I’m not now, and I never have been. I’m not even really sure what it means to be fine. I think it’s just my way of throwing my feelings under the rug so I can deal with them later. In reality, I just try to forget about my issues and hope that they go away. They never do. My whole life I have felt stuck. I feel like I have the potential inside of me to be someone, to help my family, to help the world, to help bring people the peace that we all deserve. I don’t know what it’s like to feel peace. I never have. Even when the room is quiet and I shouldn’t have a worry in the world. I still can’t manage to quiet my thoughts. I don’t think that I am meant to feel peace. I’m not sure that I ever will. What I do know is that I feel happy when others are at peace. I know how it feels to constantly be unsure of what tomorrow is to bring, and I don’t want anyone else to feel that way. Frankly, I have no idea why I just wrote this. I guess I’m just not sure if I will ever find peace, happiness, or whatever any of that even means. So I guess for now, I’m fine.

I feel like my teenage insecurities reincarnated noong nagkaroon ng pageant dito sa University namin noong nagkaroon ng fair dito katatapos ko lang sa OJT ko noon at noong sumama ako sa Grand parade bilang simula ng university fair namin nakita ko yung mga pambato ng mga iba't ibang College departments kasama na dun yung sa amin--- nung nakita ko sila ang gwapo at ang gaganda nila. Pakiramdam ko nanliit ako noong nakita ko sila --- hindi dahil gusto kong sumali sa mga pageant -- ayoko -- kung hindi sa kadahilanang inaamin ako na kinompara ko yung sarili ko sa kanila --- bakit kaya hindi ako kasing gwapo nung mga lalaking kasali dun --- ampuputi ang kikinis nila o kahit Moreno yung ibang contestant dun ang gwapo pa din --- feeling ko pag tumabi sila sa akin gagwapo sila lalo dahil sa itsura ko --- kaya inaamin ko rin na hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin sa social media accounts nila kumbaga napunta ako doomscrolling dahil dun --- ang sakit-sakit lang kasi maramdaman na naiinggit ako hindi dahil gusto silang siraan kung hindi dahil hindi ko maiwasang maikompara ang itsura ko sa kanilang lahat --- sa lahat ng lugar dun pa talaga sa event na yun --- I was admiring all of them from afar I was mesmerized by their looks --- little did I know that my insecurities returned when I already dumped it when I was 15,16 or 17 years old now that I am in my 20s and in college as well.

Mom, you fought so hard to stay, and I thought we still had more time. Now the “I love yous” I saved for later are the ones that hurt the most.

I don't feel like a human being. I just learned how to act like one.

I finally had a chance to work on myself just now and i hope life continues to be gentle on me. i can finally say that i want to live and win this life.

"Is there really no chance to start once again?"

I fell in love with you. Feeling pretty dumb right now.. But also pretty great. Ugh.

I didn't attend my favorite grandma's wake when she died four years ago and I don't regret it. I just want to remember her as she was, as she was alive. My last memory of her is a happy one. I can only picture her in my head smiling.

It hurts.

I hate living knowing you didn’t get this chance too, I love you, I miss you.

Bakit kapag sila okay lang? Kapag ako parang bibitawan na lahat para maging okay lang kayo.

I'm hurting too, but I chose not to tell you.

ever since you took your own life ive been on a mission to take my own. I miss you. And I’m so sorry I failed you.

sobrang pagod na ko :<< gusto ko nalang tapusin lahat ‘to

To the people I never had the courage to fully speak to, There are so many things I carried quietly because I got used to surviving instead of explaining. I learned early that fear can shape a person without anyone noticing. Fear of failing. Fear of not becoming enough. Fear of running out of time while everyone else seems to already know where they’re going. Sometimes I act strong because I don’t know what else to do. But the truth is, there are days when I feel exhausted from carrying expectations, doubts, and wounds I never asked for. Growing up with uncertainty taught me how to hide pain behind jokes, silence, or “I’m okay,” even when I wasn’t. What hurts the most is not the struggle itself, but the feeling that no matter how hard I try to rebuild my life, a part of me is still terrified that I’ll never escape the version of myself shaped by fear and trauma. I wish I knew how to explain that some people are not cold or distant because they don’t care. Sometimes they’re just scared of breaking apart in front of everyone. And maybe that’s the thing I never said out loud: I’ve been trying my best for a very long time.

I loved you for 5 years and now I wish I never did.

Why am I always the one who's left behind by everyone?

no one believes me and i think there’s something really wrong with me because of it. i want to hurt myself in front of people so they can see me struggling. i want to yell and scream and hit and cut because i need someone to believe me. i was just hospitalized for the first time and still i feel like no one believes me. i just want someone to believe me.

I used to love me, but after couple of heart breaks I’m terrified by the thought that I can’t seem to love my own personality.

Eu não sei o que eu estou fazendo da minha vida

sometimes i wish i dont have to carry the emotional burden in every relationship that i am in.

Still hoping for better and brighter days :))).

sana dapuan ng karma ang ex ko kasi sinira nya ang pagtingin ko sa pagmamahal

do i really have to hate myself just to love my family? (homophobic parents sucks but i love them with my life)

With every breath i take im closing in all the words i wish i could let out. And it feels like everyone i know is a illusion i made for myself to not die alone. I feel so unreal.

I offer help even though I know you would never accept it because I'm too incompetent.

I think i never healed my abandonment issues. Maybe I keep silence about but everytime someone enter the wall I build i always leave first. I don't think i can love anyone because of this trauma i never ask for.

i would’ve done anything to save our relationship, even though it was your mistakes that broke it. you didn’t put in the effort to fix what you did, so i had to let go to save myself.

Thank you for being the kind of account that reminds people every day to keep going, even when life gets heavy. 🤍

i miss you so much but i can't do anything to bring you back, you have your own family now and here i'm still doing my best to have a better future but it sucks knowing that you'll never be part of this future that i'm working on.

Salamat sa buhay mo tay! Kahit di kita tatay irl i feel like meron akong tatay na gets ako, through social media kahit di pa kita nameet noon hehe.

I wish people begged for my love the way I begged for theirs— that way, I’d gladly give it.

The other day my significant other got blackout drunk and told me that other women can do better things for him. And I have never felt so alone in my life in that moment. He swears he doesn’t remember saying it. But it broke my heart and I’ll never forget it. I don’t think I can forgive him.

My brother & I were close growing up & were the only other person that understood what struggles we faced at home & could vent to. As an adult I’ve been healing & cutting ties with abusive family & making boundaries. This journey has been extremely hard, but it’s been harder losing the connection with my trauma partner along the way. He has done some hurtful things toward me & it’s sad to not feel the bond in understanding we once had. I wish he could open his eyes to how bad things were/are & do the work, but I also know how heart breaking it can be & don’t wish that pain on him. I know it’s easier to stay blinded. I just hate we feel more like strangers now.

As much trauma I feel I’ve overcame and reflected on to move forward, and as more keeps piling up that I try my best to be mature about and get through to become a better person, I think at the end of the day I’m still the same scared little kid who’s lost.

nakakatakot na hindi ako kamahal mahal

I wish people would stop taking advantage of my mental disabilities which cause me to overlook the bad in people. I wish I had true friends. I wish I wasn't this lonely all the time.

I’ll never understand how you could pick him over your own offspring. We were children and needed you. Now it’s too late.

hate that I won’t ever know if any of it was real for you

Reframing the situation doesnt change the fact that I miss the simplicity. Maybe I care too much. Maybe if I stopped caring so much things could go back to being simple.

My life is crumbling into pieces. The agony that goes on in my head every single day drives me crazy. Why can’t I be like a normal person?

i go on dating apps every now and then in search for genuine love. i don't know if i'll ever stop feeling like a monkey performing for a zoo.

I wish you knew how hard I tried to love you. I wish you never walked away. Part of me died that night and I don’t know if it will ever come back to life. Sometimes I still miss you.

Something died inside of me the moment you left. The decision you made destroyed me, body and mind. Now i dont know what to do anymore.

i wanted you to tell me—and actually mean it—that you got us. that when i was breaking up with you and telling you how drained i was, you’d have said you can carry us out of it while i pick myself up.

I wish I had more time with you Nanay. I wish I had more time to buy your medicine, sleep in your bed with you, buy you any dress u want in this world since I had the adult money na. I miss you so much. We miss you so much. We just wish we had more time…

carpe diem, i miss you.

It’s hard to be blind in love. Even though I already see all his red flags and everything I never wanted in a man, I still choose to stay. I honestly don’t know why, but it hurts more and more every time. What makes it even harder is how easily he can open up and vent everything to his friends, while I keep all my feelings to myself. I have friends too, but I’m so used to being the happy and chaotic one in the group that I never learned how to talk about my own pain. I became so used to handling everything alone, always telling myself, “Mawawala rin ’to, lilipas din ’to.” But no matter how many times I say it, the pain still comes back the same way every time. Sometimes, I feel like I’m slowly destroying myself by staying. Because of him, I’ve started losing my self-respect and forgetting the love I used to have for myself.

I love you dad but I can't forget the things you did.

Hanggang kailan ko dadalhin itong mga tanong na gusto kong masagot mo.

Im with my boyfriend for 3 years already and for the past year it feels like I’m only still with him because I’m scared to be alone and that I have no friends other than his. It feels like Im lying to him everyday.

It's harder to force myself not to love her than to come to terms with what she did.

I lost myself when I lost him

sa’yo lang ang pagmamahal ko at itataya ko itong aking pag-ibig kahit anong mangyari

I wish I could tell him that what he did ruined me for a long time. I want him to know that I was a kid who trusted and looked up to him only for him to have shattered it in a single day. I am still recovering from what he put me through and the aftermath it caused. I hate him.

i chose to hand over the sweetest love I’ve ever experienced to someone else. I wanted to do it for her sake, but now I feel so empty without her. The worst part is, that I’ll never know if I was right or wrong.

i asked the universe for a sig

I’m with another person, and i’m happy, but I don’t know why i still cry every time I think of you

i miss you sooooo much, even though you treat me like a stranger

I've always wanted a hug

I’ll never be able to love someone like I love you, but i can’t stay with you because I can’t hurt you more than i already did, I prefer to care this pain with me so you can live safe from me.

i hate that i need to put up a facade that i am a bad person to appear strong because i used to experience bullying and hatred from people.

i wanted you to tell me—and actually mean it—that you got us. that when i was breaking up with you and telling you how drained i was, you’d have said you can carry us out of it while i pick myself up.

WHY IS LIFE SOOOO HARDDDDD

I get so angry and upset and frustrated and pissed and I am fucking tired of being told to appreciate what I have because no matter the colour on the butterflies, the pink and orange hues in the sunsets, the light soft frost on the grass, these feelings always come back and I am tired of trying to fight them

I sometimes don’t know how i feel want to scream my lungs out of pain but I can't. I can't feel anything, and some envy me for that but it is nothing to be jealous of in fact, it rips you off the right of feeling sad, all that's there is emptiness and numbness. And since you didn't get the chance to take it out you just carry it around your whole life and i think this's the cruelest thing that can happen to oneself.

I feel alone.

I told the universe if I see you again after years have passed, it means things will work out for us this time even if we're both on different chapters of our lives.

I feel bittersweet looking at you now that we are older. You were once the guy I wanted to have a future with, but the reality of being out of your league scared me. I left. I’m sorry. Years have passed, I still look and consider you my first love.

Hurt people, don't hurt people.

I always make sure I am emotionally available to everyone so that no one will feel the helplessness and loneliness I have ever felt. But I am so tired, just so tired.

I hope that when you go to the places we went to together, it stings. It stings with the realisation that you broke all promises to go there again. You said you loved me so much you couldnt take it, and I still felt unloved and kept begging for your love. You said you'd listen to me but I didn't feel heard, or seen. And still somehow, you were the one who left. You called me the brightest star and ended up eclipsing me for life.

I’m tired of constantly being told to “be mentally tough.” I’ve pushed myself to endure everything for so long that I didn’t even realize I was already invalidating my own feelings. Now, all that suppressed exhaustion and pain is catching up to me, and it’s affecting me both mentally and physically.

sometimes i wish i dont have to carry the emotional burden in every relationship that i am in.

Im tired of all of this is wish everything will be OK :>>>

I just told him that I wish I could still go back in time when we were not together yet, because I was happier by myself back then. I don't know if it's too selfish of me to be completely honest about my feelings.

growing up is my biggest fear.

I thought we shared something special, something that can never be broken— turns out it was just me ;)) right mike?

I have no problem in sacrificing for others, but i just wish people would see me as someone more than a backup plan. Someone more than a side character. I wish someone would love me the way i love them..

But why I keep f*cking ignoring the one thing I truly want to build?

upcat is coming and the pressure is coming too that's so heavy pala. im stuck here dunno how to start.

I wish I could forget how much "home" it felt your smell.